


Liam worries.

by Syn (AShadowsKiss)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-23
Updated: 2013-02-23
Packaged: 2017-12-03 09:40:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/696895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AShadowsKiss/pseuds/Syn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam wonders, and worries. And he kind of wishes things were different but maybe not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Liam worries.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time ever writing for the One Direction fandom, not my first experience writing or being in bandom though! But I'm kinda nervous because I'm worried that I haven't really got their personalities right :(. But here's hoping!

Liam worries.

It's this thing he does, where he worries a lot. About basically everything really. When he was little he worried about bringing the wrong coloured pencils to class. About tests he had weeks ago. About things he didn't have to study for a few more years. He worried about the birds he saw on his way to school. He worried about that one person who hadn't smiled back at him. He worried about his mum, all alone in their house when dad was off to work and his sisters were off to school.

Now, more than ten years later, he still worries about all sorts of things.

He's dealing with it a lot better now, though. He used to get crippling stomach cramps and he'd be nauseated and short of breath and he'd be basically three steps away from a full-fledged panic attack. When he was little, that is. He still gets somewhat nauseated sometimes, from nerves and worries both, but it happens rarely these days. Singing has always been something that calmed him down, and performing for thousands doesn't really faze him.

Louis and Harry however, do. 

Liam had seen it coming right from the beginning, if he's being honest with himself. He'd rather not be, because he might actually throw up if he thinks back and admits that _I could have stopped this_. 

It was in the way they threw themselves at each other when they heard they could stay on the X-factor. It was in the way they looked at each other. It was in the way Harry flung himself into Louis' arms when the latter came back from the hospital back in Spain. It was in the way they orbited around one another, always pulling each other closer and pushing each other away. It was in the way they had barely known each other for three days and already finishing each other sentences. But most of all it was in the way Liam went to wake up Harry one day, when they were staying in the cabin, and Louis had wrapped himself around Harry and they were talking in soft voices that Liam couldn't really understand and Liam could see their noses touching; they were so close together. 

He didn't dare to say anything then either.

So now he worries. Because it's been a couple of years and they're still together. They're still somewhat obvious in the way they feel about one another. They still hold hands in public, they still drape themselves all over each other, they still call each other by their nicknames in public but most of all they still ignore the entire world in favour of the other. 

Liam has read the contracts, all five of them. He knows they're identical but double checking never hurt anyone, so he read them all. All five. Multiple times. Harry and Louis are not allowed to be gay. Not to be out at least. Not allowed to be together, to admit that they love someone who is not of the opposite gender. Why? Because teenage girls might stop buying the merchandise, might stop coming to their concerts, might stop listening to their CDs when they find out they don't stand a snowballs chance in hell to be with either of them. Not that they'd have a chance if either of them was dating, but that doesn't matter. Relationships can be broken, management says, sexualities can not, thus they need to be hidden.

So he stops them.

In interviews he tries to sit between them, tries to break up their loving looks, tries to ease the tension. He holds Louis back when he wants to move forward. He makes it a group hug when Harry can't contain himself. He changes the topic when it's getting dangerous. He makes sure Louis and Harry don't sit near each other to often. He rearranges them for photo shoots if it's necessary. He's every where they are just to make sure they don't slip up.

It's almost funny, in a really weird way, how Louis helps him stop them. Louis is a slightly pessimistic guy and he knows they're not allowed to be together, he just can't stop himself from falling into Harry every time he sees him.  
Harry on the other hand either doesn't know or doesn't care. He's open about everything and he doesn't mind sharing his love with the rest of the world. Back when Liam tried to stop him from hugging Louis all the time, Harry would just drag Liam down with him and hug them both at the same time.  
So Liam kind of stopped trying to stop Harry and instead just pulls Niall and Zayn down with him when Harry really can't contain himself. He just stands back and holds Louis up and tries to make a joke out of it by wrapping his arms around the closest of his other two band mates. 

Because Liam worries and he tries to keep it all together even when he can feel it all slipping away.

He knows what the fans call him. The management arranged cock-block. Maybe he is, he's not sure. He just loves his friends so much, would do anything for them, honestly. But he can't let them destroy this, can't let them destroy themselves. Because he knows them. He knows them like he knows himself and he prides himself on knowing who he is quite well.

Harry is rather easy-going and laid back. He wouldn't mind too much if they suddenly stopped being pop stars. He'd probably go back to being this adorable guy you run into on the street who smiles at you and somewhat brightens your day because if there's someone so happy out there, life can't be that bad.  
Louis probably wouldn't mind either. He misses his mum and his sisters the most. He'd probably love being able to spend more time with them. He might miss the steady and increasingly higher income though. But he's been saving a lot of his money to help out his mother and his sisters and it's not like he's very interested in the girls who keep throwing themselves at their feet.  
Zayn would mind, though. He's wanted this. He's been working for this for so long, just as Liam himself has actually, but it means more to Zayn. It means more to Zayn than he'd ever admit and Liam doesn't understand why per se, but he thinks it's because Zayn is a world famous pop star. And he's a Muslim. And there has been so much hatred lately towards everyone with a slightly coloured skin tone and everyone who might be somewhat related to the Islam. But Zayn is performing all over the world in world famous arenas even and with that he's proving that Muslims are not bad people.  
Niall would be rather like Harry, probably. Liam's not to sure. Because no matter how many jokes they make about Zayn being the mysterious one, Niall is hard to understand sometimes. Liam blames it on the fact that Nialls accent gets thicker the more serious they are and he just doesn't understand what's being said anymore. But Niall has obviously worked a lot for this as well. But he's also a 'go with the flow' kind of guy. If they didn't manage to go out with a bang in a couple of years he probably wouldn't mind. He'd probably shrug it of and move on and maybe try for a solo career but he'd keep laughing at all the jokes and keep making everyone around him happy in the way he does.  
Liam knows he would be mad. Well, not mad really, but upset or sad. He'd be very, very sad actually. Because he'd tried out for X-factor two years before the others did. Because he's been taking everything so seriously and slowly and he's been so careful. He's been thinking about all the things they were going to do since he heard Simon Cowell say they were through back in Spain. He's made five year plans for all of them, both personally and professionally. He's already planned what they're going to do for their reunion tour, fifty years from now. He's already been working on where he's going to seat everyone at his wedding, at his children's wedding, at his grandchildren's wedding even. He's already decided what's going to happen to them and he can't let that go.

To ruin their chances now, to come out and say what everyone already knows. It could destroy their careers. It could destroy everything they worked so hard for to get. 

But it's also slowly destroying them.

And he looks back and thinks, _I could have stopped this_. Because he could have. He could have sat down Louis and Harry right at the beginning and he could have told them it was a horrible idea. He could have read the contract and say he wasn't going to agree to not ever being able to come out. That they were still young and unsure and that anything could happen. But he didn't say anything, because it wasn't his place to protest against the denial of anyone's sexuality, because he was afraid to ruin this for all five of them. And he also thinks that maybe the other thought that too.

So Liam stands back, and he worries.


End file.
